Some days, when I think about my faith, I feel hopeless and lost. Being a Christian, a GOOD Christian was my sole identity for 25 years. Saving the lost was my true purpose--THE reason why I existed in the world. But now that pieces of my understanding of Christianity are falling away, I'm not sure what I'm going to be left with.
I'm sad and resigned because it often feels like all or nothing. Like I have to make this HUGE choice--either believe everything I have ever been taught or held to be true over a lifetime of 'evangelical zeal', or walk away entirely. Sometimes I really believe that those are my only two options.
But sometimes, in a teeny corner of my heart--I see a pinprick of light. I read Kathleen Norris, and I hear something--barely audible-- a whisper: 'hold on...' and I suspect that maybe my options aren't so limited after all.
Hi Shelley! I lost all my blog feeds and was just looking around from other peoples links. You're blogging again, YAY! I'll put you in my bookmarks until I get my feed redone. Missing you and the hearty laughter times. :)
ReplyDeleteHi Shelley,
ReplyDeleteI found your blog after Tricia called my attention to your Facebook comment on Rob Bell's book. We were interested in that because we've been talking about it a lot and I bought the book on Kindle and read it. I just wanted to give you some encouragement.
Rob Bell's book really resonated with me on several different levels. He says a lot of things I've said myself or have been thinking about for some time now. Last year I read a book called "The Evangelical Universalist" by Gregory MacDonald (you might be interested in that also). I also found C.S. Lewis's "The Great Divorce" to be helpful in working some questions out about hell and life after death (which seems to be one of your big issues at the moment). My grandmother's church believed that all would eventually be saved even though there would be punishment for many - and my grandmother was the greatest personal evangelist I've ever known.
I also understand your fears. But it's interesting to me in that it seems like I'm hearing many Christians starting to question whether the Good News is really that only most of humanity will suffer torment for an endless duration, and if Christ is only a Savior for some and not all. Clearly not everyone likes this message (that maybe God's mercy is bigger than that). And clearly you can get into trouble even for talking about it in some circles, which bothers me a lot. But don't be afraid of those questions. I kind of feel like God is doing a new thing. I might be wrong about that, but whenever that happens it upsets a lot of people. It also makes many others glad. I think that's why he does it!
Anyhow, I just wanted to affirm that it's not "all or nothing" with regard to your good evangelical upbringing. God is bigger than that.
You're gone again. :(
ReplyDeleteJohn!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry I just found your comment now and it's May. Thanks for your encouragement--it really means a lot. I'm finding in my quest that my fears are largely in my mind--I have been afraid of being the only one in our unusual little community to have these questions. The more I am honest and can really connect with people on these issues, the more I find a love and open-ness that I hadn't seen before. So again, thanks.
Marcy...I'm back (for now... :) )
ReplyDelete